Believe it or not, Kleinpatz et al. (2009) spent time with 60+ year olds who were married 25 years or more to understand what self-reported “Optimal Sex” really means. Read on for five takeaways that might blow your mind.

1. It changes over time, with age/maturity/experience
   It would be reasonable if your hobbies changes over time so why not your preferred sexual acts too? While society doesn’t often allow for “watercooler talk” to get new ideas for the bedroom, keep an open mind about what you might be curious to try!
2. It’s contextual and relationship dependent–the better the relationship, the better the sex.
   Hence the value of couples and sex therapy, talking openly with your partner about your preferences, and knowing your sexy contexts! 
3. Great sex can get even greater!
   Research participants share their great sex is even better than their 20-year-old-selves ever imagined (charting the unknown is still possible with “the same partner for the rest of my life”).
4. Great sex is self-perpetuating
   Just like recalling a fun memory at the beach can feel connecting to reminisce about, the same goes for sexual experiences! Similar to arousal 1 and psychological stimulation, the more memories, the easier it is for embarkment.
5. Intimacy doesn’t have to mean monogamy, but the greatest sex almost always occurs with the primary partner
   This is no knock on ENM/poly/lifestyle experiences. Just like learning about a new musical genres from a friend can make your listening experience more enjoyable, paired with the above lessons, it would make sense learning more about ourselves could enhance a script we are motivated to continue honing after years of previous edits.

And that’s that! How did this quick description surprise you, or not? Feel free to reach out to let me know.